Honour and Shame: Women in Modern Iraq
Sana al-Khayyat
Saqi Books
A unique and often shocking testimony, Honour and Shame gives access for the first time to the world of Iraqi women. Ranging from executives to illiterate housewives, the women speak with extraordinary frankness of sex and marriage, physical and mental violence, the fear of scandal, and their indoctrination into the ideology of honour and shame.
Their words are frequently moving: 'We started to have problems the first day we met. He raped me in the train on our wedding day. I was 13 years old.' 'Sex is the most important thing to my husband. He always wants me to dress up in my sexiest nightgown and respond happily and willingly to all his desires... To tell you the truth, I don't care much about sex.' ‘He beats me whenever he feels angry or upset. I always forgive him. I say to myself, where can I go after all?’
On the basis of an in-depth study conducted over several years, the author - who herself comes from this society - builds a picture of Iraqi women's lives from birth to old age. Although the book's main focus is on Iraq, there are many thought-provoking cross-cultural comparisons between Third World women and women in Western societies.
Sana al-Khayyat was born in Iraq, and holds a PhD in sociology from Keele University. She lives in the UK.
Contents
Acknowledgements / 8
Introduction / 9
The Interviews Housewives Teachers / 12
Higher Professionals / 12
Ethnic and Religious Background / 14
Fear of Being Interviewed / 14
Home and the Outside World / 15
1. The Pressure to Conform / 21
The Ideology of Honour and Shame / 21
Attitudes towards Girls / 26
Growing up Female-the Concept of Femininity / 31
The Family Name / 31
Obedience / 31
Virginity and Chastity / 34
Puberty / 38
Mothers and Daughters / 40
Parents and Daughters / 44
A Daughter’s Education / 50
Life for Children Today / 52
2. ‘Choosing’ a Partner / 57
Traditional and Contemporary Marriages / 58
Marriage between Cousins / 63
Love and Marriage / 64
Girls’ Expectations of Future Husbands / 68
Fate and Destiny / 72
Why Women Marry / 73
3. Worlds Apart: Sexual Life for Women and Men / 79
Attitudes towards Sex / 79
Sex and Knowledge / 84
Sex and Duty / 87
Sex and Love / 91
4. Relationships / 97
Companionship in Marriage / 97
Husbands as Outsiders / 102
Husbands who Drink / 104
Absent Husbands / 105
Going Out Together / 107
Women and Leisure / 110
Relationship with the In-Laws / 115
Important Events in a Woman’s Life / 123
Death and the Mourning Period / 125
5. Majida, Muna and Sabiha: Three Case Studies / 129
Majida / 129
Muna / 132
Sabiha / 136
An Egyptian Comparison / 139
6. The Daily Grind: Housework / 143
The Iraqi House and its Upkeep / 143
The Iraqi Meal / 144
Other Household Jobs / 145
Husbands and Housework / 146
Gadgets and Servants / 152
Working Mothers / 154
‘Rewards’ for Housework / 155
Training for Domesticity / 156
7. Independence: Is Divorce a Solution? / 161
Independence within Marriage / 161
Ending a Marriage / 172
Women’s View of Liberation / 181
Conclusion / 185
Traditional Oppression and the Resulting Conflicts for Women / 185
Universal Oppression / 190
Options for Change / 191
The Impact of Modernization / 194
Has Education Made any Difference? / 196
Has Paid Work Made any Difference? / 199
Domestic Work and Paid Work, the Undervaluation of Women’s Labour / 205
Appendix I: Personal Information about Interviewees and their Families / 209
Appendix II: Education, Qualifications and Occupations of Interviewees and their Families / 211
Notes / 215
Select Bibliography / 225
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I wish to thank Elizabeth Hand for reading most of the book and for her advice, support and encouragement. My thanks also go to others such as Ursula Sharma who was my supervisor for the thesis on which the book is based, and to Pat Ager and Maureen Winn for their help and encouragement.
My research would not have been possible without the generous and friendly participation of the women I interviewed and I shall always remain in their debt.
Last but not least, my thanks go to my family, my brothers and sisters, particularly Issam and Farkad who supported me in every possible way. I also thank my children Sara and Zaid for helping me in their own way.
Introduction
This book addresses the experience of Iraqi women: in particular, the process of socialization of female members of the family, female roles and the way women perceive themselves in relation to men and others within the family. It also examines such topics as preparations for marriage, husband-wife relationships, personal interaction between men and women, and the way women are controlled by society through both sexes.
It is written from what might be called a double perspective: Iraqi society is viewed both from the outside and from within. As a sociologist I am trained to be a detached, objective observer. As an Iraqi woman myself, however, I have shared and experienced all the problems of the women of my country, problems that result from their oppression by the patriarchal system in which they live. This oppression is practised upon women by both sexes. In fact, women probably feel a greater direct oppression by members of their own sex than by men, as women practise social control by adopting male ways of thinking and male roles in policing each other. This is particularly true of mothers, mothers- in-law, older women within the family and teachers. Other women such as neighbours play a similar, though often indirect, controlling role through gossip.
The basis for my work was a series of in-depth interviews with Iraqi women, together with the available literature and my own experience and observations as a member of Iraqi society. Since I only interviewed women, it might be objected that my observations on men, their thoughts and attitudes, are one-sided.
In Iraq, however, it is highly improbable that a man would answer a researcher’s questions directly, especially if the researcher was a woman investigating the position of women in society. Moreover Iraqi men tend to be dismissive of female opinions and to consider women’s studies irrelevant.
The following incident illustrates the point. A male friend of my family who is considered well-educated asked me during my fieldwork:
Why are you wasting time with those stupid women? What can they tell you? Women in general are trouble-makers and unfaithful, and above all they’re never satisfied. Take my advice, forget about interviewing them, they can say nothing useful for your research. If you insist on adopting this method, select a few educated men and interview them; they would tell you all you need to know about women.
I believe this opinion to be typical of most Iraqi men.
It is worth pointing out that although my research concentrated on Iraqi women in an urban context, they have much in common with other Arab women in cities throughout the Arab world. Conversely, most of the research on women in other countries that I have quoted here for comparative purposes is equally applicable to Iraqi women.
Since the appearance of Islam in the seventh century and up to the First World War, the Arab world could be considered as one. The majority of its people professed the same faith (Islam), spoke the same language (Arabic) and shared the same culture. There ...
Sana al-Khayyat
Honour and Shame: Women in Modern Iraq
Saqi
Saqi Books
Honour and Shame: Women in Modern Iraq
Sana al-Khayyat
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
Khayyat, Sana al-
Honour and shame: women in modern Iraq
1. Iraq. Women. Social conditions
I. Title
305.4209567
ISBN 0-86356-094-6
ISBN 0-86356-050-4 pbk
First published 1990 by
Saqi Books, 26 Westbourne Grove
London W2 5RH
© Saqi Books 1990
Typeset by ARM Associates (UK) Ltd, Southall, London
Printed and bound in Great Britain
at The Camelot Press, Trowbridge, Wiltshire.
